(This is probably my favorite story I
have written up until this point in my life. There are a few changes
I want to make to it, but this is the original version,
unedited/proofread =D)
24 hours ago, I was a normal person, or at least as normal with someone like my life could be. Drunks for parents, rags for clothes, and anything that happened to me was either bad or just plain weird. Hell my parents named me Yellow. YELLOW! Who the fuck names their kid a color, especially yellow?
Now, I have no idea where the fuck I am. It's cold, I'm pretty beaten up, and it has been a few days since I have eaten.
Well I can't say a few days since the days here seem to last longer then 24 hours, or whatever the hell they use to measure time in this fucking place.
24 hours ago, I had the same problems as everyone else, or at least as similar as problems I could have with someone like my life. Really don't have many friends. The ones that I do have are scummy. They'd ditch me for a bag of Doritos. I really have only one close friend, Jonas. At least his parents gave him a kind of normal name. Not fucking Yellow like my parents. What the hell were they on when they had me?
Being Yellow is the least of my problems. Now, my name could be Jehosifats McDouchenstein, it really doesn't matter. Now my life couldn't be stranger.
24 hours ago, I was bored, and this time it was like a normal person. Jonas and I were walking through some forest that we never have been through. It was something to do. During the whole walk, we would make up tales of grandeur and epic heroism, involving us of course. Man how we wish our lives could be like that. Live a life like in a fantasy story. End up in some strange world, turns out your the chosen one and you have to save the world from some peril. You get stronger all the way, you overcome all your barriers from before and hell, you meet a princess or some shit like that and you both fall madly in love and have lots of wild, hot, passionate sex. You wish your life could be like that. Not this boring, uneventful life that you live now.
Now I wish things would just return to normal... or as normal a life could be where you got pulled into a magical box and ended up in some strange ass world.
I like to imagine Jonas freaked the fuck up. It gives me some solace, in a comedic yet sadistic way. Him just standing there, not believing what his eyes just witnessed, or not wanting to believe. Then all of a sudden, you here him say the one line "What the fuck!" Then afterwords for the next 10 minutes or so, he incoherently screams, now in a state of complete and utter panic. I also like to imagine how he would explain it to his parents. He tries to explain, pulls the trust card, and they just think that he is too big of a drugie, and send him to psychiatric therapy and rehab for the drugs. No one will believe him; no one will believe that his friend Yellow, a kid that no one really cares about in the first place, just opened up a strange box they found in the woods and got sucked into it. I wouldn't believe it under any other circumstances.
Still though, it's one of the few things I can think about and get a chuckle or two out of in this horrid place. I actually think it is snowing now, but hell, I have no idea, because the snow is purple. Kind of weird actually. A bit of yellow in a sea of purple.
I really don't wish anything bad onto Jonas. I hope what I think about in my head won't or hasn't really happen. Time is another thing I can't get in this place, especially in comparison to another world, or universe or fuckiverse. I just don't know. He was a great friend, one of the few I actually had. Though I am not sure I would go as far as saying I would wish this whole fate that I am in onto myself before I let it get to anyone else. This place fucking sucks.
So, back to the story. 24 hours ago, we were walking through the woods, wishing our lives could be like a fantasy story, and all of sudden, I trip. Jonas laughs, and I laugh a little at myself. I get myself up and brush myself off and I look at what I tripped on, and there the fucking box was. Well it's not even really a box. A jewelry box at most, but it was fancy as all hell. It's like a chest you would find in a rich person's house in the 1800'ds that contained all the misses gold shit. My friend and I both think the same thing, "AWESOME!" We figure something awesome or valuable could be in it. Maybe we could get the fantasy life we so desire, or maybe just a little more cash. The thing is though, he couldn't open it. There was no key or anything, just a little button that opened up a latch. The button wouldn't budge.
Of course he is discouraged, but I wasn't going to pass up a try. The second I push the button the latch opens. I laugh at him and mock his manliness for a second, then jokingly he said "Hey, maybe you were destined to open that box. Maybe you are the chosen one." "Yeah I wish" was my ignorant reply. Fuck, if I only knew what the hell was about to happen, my words probably would have been somewhere around "FUCK THE CHOSEN ONE, I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ALL THAT SHIT!"
I open the box, and in there was this beautiful necklace. It was a golden chain, and the center piece was a shiny, golden amulet thingy. This thing, if it had monetary value in our world, had to be worth at least a few grand, if not a lot more. I stare deeply in to the amulet, mesmerized. I see my reflection, and I get lost into space (no pun intended) All my friend could say is "You lucky bastard." Yeah, lucky alright. He didn't get mugged and get his clothes taken by bandits in the middle of a fucking purple storm.
All of a sudden, I start to shake, or everything else started to shake, it was really all a blur. When your molecular structure starts to morph and your body starts defying all the known laws of physics and nature, you tend not to know what the hell is going on. I get sucked into the box with the amulet, and I went to flying through space.
Oh, by flying through space, I mean flying through a region that looked like a rainbow threw up everywhere. I swear, it was the most colorful thing in existence. It seems like a hippies dream, or nightmare, I am not quite sure.
I end up in some village. I am just going to sum it up, because it really isn't worth explaining. The elders think I am some kind of oracle (notice how I said think. For all they or I know, I just got fucked over and I am just Yellow, a nobody.) and I need to deliver the amulet I had to this temple in a mountain that is protected by a dragon. At first I am excited. I am shitting my pants with joy. Finally some action. I get to be a hero.
Well it seems that all the fantasy stories you read and watch in movies are the best of worlds. I got the ghettos of fantasy worlds. They don't give me a weapon, or a vehicle or even a horse. I get some clothes to keep me warm (hah), a bag to carry enough food, and a map. Too bad that all got stolen.
First off, you think you wouldn't mind all the walking you have to do, but oh god no. It took forever. Like 5 days, or hell, quests. I think I have the right to define the things in this world to my will since I have no idea what anything is. They never even told me the name of anything. I am sincerely clueless.
It wasn't snowing purple in the beginning. It was cold, but bearable. Then after halfway, the purple snow just came down. I think it is actually colder then normal snow, but I keep telling myself that this will get better, and I trudge on. Well I get near the place, and some fucking bandits come out of nowhere. I panic and fall to the ground (which I drop my amulet in the snow, so they never end up stealing it) and they don't even ask me what I have or anything. They just hold me down, take everything, kick the shit out of me, then leave me to freeze in the snow. HOW IS THIS MAKING ME STRONGER?! I have not learned how to fight, or anything. This fucking blows.
I get to the mountain where the temple is, or at least I think it is the mountain. They stole my map. Well anyway, the mountain is so steep, there is no way to climb it. I have no rope, there is no back way, no flying carpets or teleporters. Nothing. I am truly fucked. So I found some little crevice where there was little snow, and I am currently trying to conserve as much heat as I can while I think of what in the world I have to go next.
24 hours ago, I had a boring life. Now I wish I still had that boring life.
Let me tell you, whenever you think life is boring and you wish it would be more adventurous, just slap yourself in the face and move on, because odds are your life is better then mine now. Your boring life is the fantasy story that I wish I could have now, because you're not freezing your balls off in snow. Your Yellow balls in purple snow.
24 hours ago, I was a normal person, or at least as normal with someone like my life could be. Drunks for parents, rags for clothes, and anything that happened to me was either bad or just plain weird. Hell my parents named me Yellow. YELLOW! Who the fuck names their kid a color, especially yellow?
Now, I have no idea where the fuck I am. It's cold, I'm pretty beaten up, and it has been a few days since I have eaten.
Well I can't say a few days since the days here seem to last longer then 24 hours, or whatever the hell they use to measure time in this fucking place.
24 hours ago, I had the same problems as everyone else, or at least as similar as problems I could have with someone like my life. Really don't have many friends. The ones that I do have are scummy. They'd ditch me for a bag of Doritos. I really have only one close friend, Jonas. At least his parents gave him a kind of normal name. Not fucking Yellow like my parents. What the hell were they on when they had me?
Being Yellow is the least of my problems. Now, my name could be Jehosifats McDouchenstein, it really doesn't matter. Now my life couldn't be stranger.
24 hours ago, I was bored, and this time it was like a normal person. Jonas and I were walking through some forest that we never have been through. It was something to do. During the whole walk, we would make up tales of grandeur and epic heroism, involving us of course. Man how we wish our lives could be like that. Live a life like in a fantasy story. End up in some strange world, turns out your the chosen one and you have to save the world from some peril. You get stronger all the way, you overcome all your barriers from before and hell, you meet a princess or some shit like that and you both fall madly in love and have lots of wild, hot, passionate sex. You wish your life could be like that. Not this boring, uneventful life that you live now.
Now I wish things would just return to normal... or as normal a life could be where you got pulled into a magical box and ended up in some strange ass world.
I like to imagine Jonas freaked the fuck up. It gives me some solace, in a comedic yet sadistic way. Him just standing there, not believing what his eyes just witnessed, or not wanting to believe. Then all of a sudden, you here him say the one line "What the fuck!" Then afterwords for the next 10 minutes or so, he incoherently screams, now in a state of complete and utter panic. I also like to imagine how he would explain it to his parents. He tries to explain, pulls the trust card, and they just think that he is too big of a drugie, and send him to psychiatric therapy and rehab for the drugs. No one will believe him; no one will believe that his friend Yellow, a kid that no one really cares about in the first place, just opened up a strange box they found in the woods and got sucked into it. I wouldn't believe it under any other circumstances.
Still though, it's one of the few things I can think about and get a chuckle or two out of in this horrid place. I actually think it is snowing now, but hell, I have no idea, because the snow is purple. Kind of weird actually. A bit of yellow in a sea of purple.
I really don't wish anything bad onto Jonas. I hope what I think about in my head won't or hasn't really happen. Time is another thing I can't get in this place, especially in comparison to another world, or universe or fuckiverse. I just don't know. He was a great friend, one of the few I actually had. Though I am not sure I would go as far as saying I would wish this whole fate that I am in onto myself before I let it get to anyone else. This place fucking sucks.
So, back to the story. 24 hours ago, we were walking through the woods, wishing our lives could be like a fantasy story, and all of sudden, I trip. Jonas laughs, and I laugh a little at myself. I get myself up and brush myself off and I look at what I tripped on, and there the fucking box was. Well it's not even really a box. A jewelry box at most, but it was fancy as all hell. It's like a chest you would find in a rich person's house in the 1800'ds that contained all the misses gold shit. My friend and I both think the same thing, "AWESOME!" We figure something awesome or valuable could be in it. Maybe we could get the fantasy life we so desire, or maybe just a little more cash. The thing is though, he couldn't open it. There was no key or anything, just a little button that opened up a latch. The button wouldn't budge.
Of course he is discouraged, but I wasn't going to pass up a try. The second I push the button the latch opens. I laugh at him and mock his manliness for a second, then jokingly he said "Hey, maybe you were destined to open that box. Maybe you are the chosen one." "Yeah I wish" was my ignorant reply. Fuck, if I only knew what the hell was about to happen, my words probably would have been somewhere around "FUCK THE CHOSEN ONE, I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ALL THAT SHIT!"
I open the box, and in there was this beautiful necklace. It was a golden chain, and the center piece was a shiny, golden amulet thingy. This thing, if it had monetary value in our world, had to be worth at least a few grand, if not a lot more. I stare deeply in to the amulet, mesmerized. I see my reflection, and I get lost into space (no pun intended) All my friend could say is "You lucky bastard." Yeah, lucky alright. He didn't get mugged and get his clothes taken by bandits in the middle of a fucking purple storm.
All of a sudden, I start to shake, or everything else started to shake, it was really all a blur. When your molecular structure starts to morph and your body starts defying all the known laws of physics and nature, you tend not to know what the hell is going on. I get sucked into the box with the amulet, and I went to flying through space.
Oh, by flying through space, I mean flying through a region that looked like a rainbow threw up everywhere. I swear, it was the most colorful thing in existence. It seems like a hippies dream, or nightmare, I am not quite sure.
I end up in some village. I am just going to sum it up, because it really isn't worth explaining. The elders think I am some kind of oracle (notice how I said think. For all they or I know, I just got fucked over and I am just Yellow, a nobody.) and I need to deliver the amulet I had to this temple in a mountain that is protected by a dragon. At first I am excited. I am shitting my pants with joy. Finally some action. I get to be a hero.
Well it seems that all the fantasy stories you read and watch in movies are the best of worlds. I got the ghettos of fantasy worlds. They don't give me a weapon, or a vehicle or even a horse. I get some clothes to keep me warm (hah), a bag to carry enough food, and a map. Too bad that all got stolen.
First off, you think you wouldn't mind all the walking you have to do, but oh god no. It took forever. Like 5 days, or hell, quests. I think I have the right to define the things in this world to my will since I have no idea what anything is. They never even told me the name of anything. I am sincerely clueless.
It wasn't snowing purple in the beginning. It was cold, but bearable. Then after halfway, the purple snow just came down. I think it is actually colder then normal snow, but I keep telling myself that this will get better, and I trudge on. Well I get near the place, and some fucking bandits come out of nowhere. I panic and fall to the ground (which I drop my amulet in the snow, so they never end up stealing it) and they don't even ask me what I have or anything. They just hold me down, take everything, kick the shit out of me, then leave me to freeze in the snow. HOW IS THIS MAKING ME STRONGER?! I have not learned how to fight, or anything. This fucking blows.
I get to the mountain where the temple is, or at least I think it is the mountain. They stole my map. Well anyway, the mountain is so steep, there is no way to climb it. I have no rope, there is no back way, no flying carpets or teleporters. Nothing. I am truly fucked. So I found some little crevice where there was little snow, and I am currently trying to conserve as much heat as I can while I think of what in the world I have to go next.
24 hours ago, I had a boring life. Now I wish I still had that boring life.
Let me tell you, whenever you think life is boring and you wish it would be more adventurous, just slap yourself in the face and move on, because odds are your life is better then mine now. Your boring life is the fantasy story that I wish I could have now, because you're not freezing your balls off in snow. Your Yellow balls in purple snow.
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