Why the concept of "Swears" doesn't make a lot of sense: A Language analysis

     Something I have thought a lot about recently is language. Language is a weird phenomenon, especially when you get into differences between countries, dialects, accents slang, and other things of that nature. One could discuss topics like this forever if they were inquisitive enough, (or just high).

    What has specifically peaked my interested, and in return, has pissed me off, is the concept of swear words. I am referring to the English language only while writing this, and this could or could not apply to other languages, or even different regions where they have different dialects. I am from the Chicago region, but our language is similar to most of the United States, minus a few different word choices here or there.

    Everyone is taught from an extremely young age that swear words are bad; that we should never say them. As we grow older, we think it makes us look and sound cool to say them, so to do that, and to rebel, we say swear words like crazy. TV and radio stations block most of these words, to the point where only movies, books and video games have them in them, and that is only because they have predetermined ratings that warn us.

    So what is so horrendous about these words, that we should never say them in public, lest we burn in hell, or at least a prison cell? 

    I honestly couldn't tell you. Their "reasoning" is that we shouldn't say these bad words, because these are bad words. Well of course it is doomed to be that way, with that set up. You deem it a bad word, and thus, it must always be a bad word? I don't know. The other rationale is that it means a bad thing, which is just bubkiss. 

    It is bubkiss for a number of reason. Here is a list of the major swearwords (and a few other words that are close)

• Ass
• Bitch
• Damn
• Fuck
• Shit
• Cunt
• Fag

    Let's look at the first one, which is ass. Ass is a swearword, yet it can still be said on TV and radio, so it is consider not as bad. A little kid can still get in trouble for saying this word though. What does it mean? It is a synonym for butt, stupid person, or mean person, (or a donkey). So we can say butt over and over again, and it's fine, but if we say ass, it is suddenly bad. What sense does that make?

    Now look at bitch. It means female dog, bad/mean woman, or some variation of bad/mean woman. I am not sure if this can be said on TV or radio, but I think it makes less sense. Let's assume you are not talking about a female dog. Why are you penalized for calling someone a bad/mean woman? You could literally say how horrible this one woman is in the most lengthy and intelligent way, and that isn't as bad as saying bitch. Honestly, there should be more focus on being insulted rather than "saying a bad word". That can apply to pretty much any of these swear words.

    Shit I think makes the least sense. It is a synonym of poo, or figuratively means something bad.  I know this one cannot be said on radio or TV. For the love of science, why? Why can't I say a word that literally means poo, or a bad occurrence? If I want to say on the radio how bad my life has been recently, I can't say "My life has been so shitty recently", yet I can say "my life has been horrible. It has been terrible, torturous, etc etc. The latter sounds more graphic, and saying "shitty" sounds more realistic in my opinion. Yet somehow that is bad. Or even better, if I see some dog poop on the ground, I could get in trouble for saying "Look at that shit!", but saying "look at that fecomatter" is completely fine!

    What is with that? I don't get that at all. At least if  you talk about a word like fuck, that makes sense. It has so many meanings, that it can mean any number of bad things. Fuck is the only word in the English language, that can be used as an adjective, noun, verb and adjective. You can make a complete sentence with it too. Fuck fucking fuckers, FUCK! With the versatility of the word, it makes sense that it is considered bad. Well, we are 1 out of 4 for swear words.

    Now I am going to to skip damn, and get to words which I don't technically believe are swear words, but are still considered bad words. Cunt and Fag. Cunt is a synonym for vagina, or bad/mean woman. Forget the misogynistic aspects of this word, we are blocking the the use of the word vagina. Granted, I wouldn't want my kid running around screaming cunt or vagina, but that is what it comes down to. I guess this is a word that you shouldn't even have any use for until you are older.

   Lastly, fag, which has the biggest shitstorm attached with it. It is a derogatory word, which originally meant a bundle of sticks, but now means a gay person, or much more loosely used as a bad person. People bring up the point "If you call someone a fag, that really isn't gay, you are bringing both him and the entire gay community down!" and other crap like that. I am not going to get into that much, because that just starts a flame war, but this one somewhat makes sense, though not in the normal sense. It shouldn't be a swear word just because you are calling someone a synonym for the word gay. If you want to know my stance on that debate, just watch this South Park clip. It gives the sense of what I think about it.  (http://youtu.be/H7C0vd-L5lg) 

    What it all should boil down to is not that the word is a "swear word", but the fact that you are using a word or statement against someone; an insult. If I say my ass hurts, I shouldn't get in trouble. If I take a poop, say that my shit smelled, I shouldn't get in trouble. What really should be the issue is personally attacking someone. If I call someone a cunt, they shouldn't be offended at the word cunt, but the fact that I am personally verbally attacking them. If a game gets called a fag over Modern Warfare, they shouldn't be mad that someone called them gay, but if anything, be mad some douchenozzle is insulting them in the first place.

    Is it an insult to be called gay? It shouldn't be. Is it an insult to be called a vagina? It shouldn't be. "Oh boy, you called me gay. You are so clever. I am so offended, because I am not gay at all. How could you even think that? I am totally straight!"

    Really, this is what the emphasis should be put on. Instead of teaching kids these lists of words that they shouldn't say, we should just teach them fucking manners, and how not to verbally attack people to begin with. Then if we can accomplish that, then maybe we can begin to deconstruct the misuse of hot button words that somehow seems to fluster so many people nowadays.

The horrible implications of Hot Tub Time Machine (and other time travel movies)

*Spoilers for Hot Tub Time Machine and other time travel movies*

     Okay, I know Hot Tub Time Machine isn't exactly relevant anymore, since it came out a while back, but this can easily apply to many time travel movies, I just use Hot Tub Time Machine as an example since it is one of the newest to come out.

     In the movie, they travel back in time, and instead of doing what they did when they were that age (since they somehow got turned into their old selves), they do what they want, and one guy stays back in time, while the others get sent back to the present day. Turns out they changed the future, but for the better. Everyone's lives turned from shit to awesomeness. So happily ever after right?

     No. This time travel scenario really has some horrible implications. This isn't even going into the ethics of going back in time to change how history works out, because that is too obvious and overdone. What I am going to touch up on isn't the act of changing history, but the changed history itself.

     Just think about it. Let's take John Cusack's character Adam. He is miserable, suffering through a bitter divorce, and all that stuff. During the past, he runs into this awesome girl, April, that he didn't meet during his regular past. They totally click, and after fucking with history, they end up happily married in the new present. What's so bad about that?

     Again, just think about it. Imagine you meet the perfect girl. You two just click, and even though it sounds cliche, you know that you are meant to be together, because you two will live happily ever after. Wouldn't you want to be married to her instead of the bitch you divorced? Well yeah, but you would want to enjoy the time with her. When Adam returns to the future, he is completely unaware that he is married to April. After the initial shock, he is completely relieved that they are married. But the problem is HE DOESN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING!

     He doesn't remember how they met back up after they had to part ways, he doesn't remember dating her, the proposal, the wedding, the honeymoon... you get where I'm going. Those are some of the best moments of your life, and even though your new future is totally going to be better than the old divorce future, you still have no memory of the happiest parts of your life. If I couldn't remember anything about my marriage, I would be so fucking depressed.

     A lot of movies do this. In Back to the Future,  Marty McFly goes back into time, and changes history, but at least it isn't as awful as in Hot Tub Time Machine. He makes sure his parents still get married, so he can obviously still be born, but he makes his fathers confidence rise to the point where he becomes a successful science-fiction writer. Sure, that is tampering with the past, but the thing that makes this scenario better is that Marty's life was pretty good before the change. He had a girlfriend, his family was normal, albeit somewhat poor, and his father didn't have as good self-esteem. Also, Marty doesn't change the course of his life too drastically. He still has to go to school, he will just be a little wealthier. It doesn't give us the intricacies of what exactly changes in his life, but it seems for the most part, the same. The only fucked up thing is how Biff pretty much got turned into a monkey-man-slave hybrid to Marty's father. Seriously, he may have been a complete bully, but no one deserves to turn into... that...

    Who knows what memories Marty missed out on by changing history though. Maybe he won the National Spelling B, maybe he got to bang the hottest girl in school before he met his current girlfriend. Regardless, his life didn't change too much from the history changes, so it isn't as much an issue.

    Bring up any history-changing time travel movie, and this easily becomes an issue. Honestly, the only movie that I have seen that seems like they did it right was the The Butterfly Effect, but that movie sucked. When he changes history, all the memories get forced into his head, kind of like memory rape. It's intense enough to give him bloody noses. You suddenly have all the memories that you should have experienced in the new timeline. Of course, this scenario begs the question if the person keeps the memories they replaced or not. It's been such a long time since i viewed that movie, and I don't remember if they address it or not. I don't care either, because it's a bad movie. They at least did that right.

    The only time travel concepts I think works well is the idea that traveling back in the past is part of the same timeline. You are not changing anything because that happened in your past too. The only movie I can think of off the top of my head that uses this version of time travel is "Dexter's Laboratory: Ego Trip" and I know that is an obscure reference. Basically, Dexter Time Travels, does shit, goes back to present time, and he seems himself doing something he does in the beginning of the movie. One timeline, where the time travel is supposed  to happen, and you cannot change anything. It kind of goes along the idea of fate, and whatever happen(s/ed) is destiny, and there is no changing it.

    And there is my rant. It would suck to miss out on so many awesome memories. It's a matter of opinion if those lost memories are worth a better future.



    One more point I just thought of. What about Lou, the guy that stayed in the past and changed the future? Forget that he used his knowledge of history to become a gazillonaire, changed Google's name to "Lougle", and  changed the band to "Motley Lou", and all of that stuff. What exactly does that mean for him? He got to live, let's face it, a pretty awesome life. He abuse the time travel situation, and got to remember all the new and improved things happening to him. What could be bad about that?

    Reliving your life with the knowledge of your old life. Imagine having all the knowledge, memories and experiences of your old, shitty life, and then reliving your life with that under your belt. One just doesn't forget a suicide attempt. One doesn't forget the shitty things that happened to you. Not to mention growing up again. If I had to relive my high school years, but with knowledge of everything that happens, I would try to make it much better, but I couldn't forget everything. What people do, how people change. And I can't even tell anyone about all of these things because they don't know the things you know. Those memories are only yours, until they happen again, but they might not even happen again. Imagine getting to a day you remember, and it turns out completely different. Sure, it could be for the better, but that dissonance in your mind would be problematic.

   And what about his mental state? When Lou goes back into time and stays back in time, does his mind revert back to that age? I don't think so. His mind still should age like he never traveled back in time. By the time he is 60, his mind should be 80, or however many years he traveled back. Can you say early Alzheimers? Who knows. Sure, he has the upside of getting to experience and remember a great life, but it will have, or at least should have had a great toll on his mind.

Well that is about it. Let me know what you think!

    

How I Met Your Mother: Theories on who is "The Mother"

First post in a while. I think this is a worthy topic to write about before the show comes to a close.

I believe that Ted's future wife has been shown on screen, and they have seen each other, though we haven't been introduced yet.

*Obviously some spoilers will be said along with my theory, involving some of the newest episodes.* *Edit at bottom to address newer episodes.*

In S3:E12, the episode called "No Tomorrow", we have the first major information released about who the mother is. Ted says that she was also at that party. The yellow umbrella belonged to her, and he got it. Unfortunately for Ted, they never met that night (or fortunately, since Ted said he had to grow into the person that he needed to be).

The few continuity errors aside, I've learned that nothing happens in this show by mistake. There are tons of little things placed here and there that hint to, foreshadow, and reference many things. One really subtle example of this is in S4:E10 "The Fight", where Marshall says that he will be cutting turkey with a lightsaber in 3 years or so. When they fast forward three years to Thanksgiving, Marshall says "Mom, Lily, fantastic job!" he never mentions his dad, and you never see him. This is potentially not showing Marshall's dad because he is going to pass away later in the show. That is so subtle that it flies over most people's heads.

Back to "No Tomorrow", during Ted's semi-drunken panic, he runs into a girl. They look at each other for a second, Ted apolgizes. The mystery girl smiles and says "Nah, that's okay." and walks away.

Potential First Encounter

(I took this using "prt sc" off of Netflix so sorry if the quality is lackluster. I am not sure of many other ways to do this)

This takes up a few seconds at most, but there is absolutely no reason to have this scene otherwise. That is enough time to have a witty one-liner, funny action, or something else, but instead they decided to put it in here. It has to have a greater purpose. My theory is that she is Ted's future wife.

If that isn't the case, then she will at least be brought back for something else. That, or the writers used her as an exit strategy. With a plot line like this, if they get canceled/don't get a renewal, they at least want a somewhat complete story arch. If the show didn't make it past the first season, Ted would have gotten Robin at the end, and she would have been the mother. By the end of season 2, the writers didn't know if their show got renewed for another season, so they would have ended it on a funny note. Ted is single, and out on the prowl with Barney, and Barney starts his hit saying "LEGEN" and it would have cut off there.

Victoria and Stella were both default mothers if the show didn't get renewed. It is possible that if season 3 would have been the last season, they would have used her to be the mother.

To combat the idea that Ted says he never saw his wife until he saw her ankle at that lesbian's apartment, I will just say that he never knew that was her, or doesn't remember bumping into his wife like that.

As far as that goes, I think it is well enough explained, but I want to list a few other theories I have here.

-Ted's future wife is the woman who had a blind date with him made by the company "Love Solutions". In S1:E21, he is supposed to go out with a "perfect girl", but he ditched the blind date to go out with Robin. This woman could potentially be his future wife.

- This one is lengthy. Ted has said in the later seasons time after time that he met his wife at Barney's wedding. I think it is pretty safe to assume that Barney, or someone Barney knows have no relation to Ted's wife. Now, when you go to a wedding, unless you are someone's date, you either know the bride or the groom, and you at least know of the people who's wedding you are going to. It's not impossible, but I think it won't be the case, unless you go by this theory

http://whosright.com/poll/himym-is-barney%E2%80%99s-half-sister-ted%E2%80%99s-wife

This theory basically says that Barney's dad, Jerry, has a daughter, Carly, who is in college, and we haven't met yet. I'll admit this sounds very plausible, but I'd think there is something in the bro code that says one bro shouldn't go after another bro's sister, such as how Barney couldn't go after Ted's sister. Even though they are half siblings, I'd think it still applies. Also the argument "Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin" can't be too accurate because Marshall and Lily have those titles too.

They may find a loophole around this, such as Barney barely knowing her, so it doesn't count, or Barney's classic exception "Unless she's hot." Knowing that almost every character on TV is attractive, this isn't far from the realm of possibility, but I personally don't think it will happen this way. It's a possible and highly believed theory, but let us go on assuming this theory is incorrect.

Anyway, that leaves the brides invitees. The bride has to know Ted's wife, or know someone that is close to Ted's wife, like Ted's wife's roommate, who Ted dated. So far, we have had three main candidates for Barney's future wife:

- Robin
- Nora
- Quinn

It's safe to assume that Ted's wife has some relation to one of these girls. Robin and Barney have an on and off again relationship, which makes it so we don't know if they will end up together. We know Ted denounced Robin's and his agreement on getting married if they are both single at age 40 in S7:E18 "Karma". With that, Ted pretty much has given up on Robin, so Barney is free to end up marrying her. I highly doubt Robin knows Ted's future wife because if she did, we should have heard of her within 7 seasons. If I am to fully believe this, it leads to the conclusion that Barney and Robin are not going to get married, which I find likely.

That just leaves Nora and Quinn. Since Nora and Barney broke up, we haven't seen or heard of Nora, so this is leaning more towards Quinn. Quinn has blond hair, and so does Cindy's (Ted's old girlfriend that turned out to be lesbian, and roommates to Ted's future wife) lesbian wife. It's a stretch, but it could be possible that they are related, and that is why she is at Barney's wedding. I'm more of throwing this part out here as food for though.

Also, Barney shows that he really wants to marry this girl. He wants to marry her, to stop her from stripping, which is shown in S7:E17 "No Pressure". He clearly has feelings for her, and with time running out until the end of this show, unless he ends up with Robin or Nora, we don't have much time to be introduced to who he marries. So it is likely that Barney will end up will one of these girls. My belief that it will be Quinn.

Quinn and Barney get married, Quinn or someone Quinn knows has some relation with Ted's future wife, they meet at the wedding.

The last theory that I believe is possible is not even a theory on who the mother is, but what her name is. In S1:E9 "Belly Full of Turkey", Ted meets a "burlesque entertainment artist" otherwise known as a stripper, and she first introduces herself as Amber. She then changes her name to Tracy. Future Ted then says "And that kids is the true story of how I met your mother!" and the kids both scream "WHAT?!". People theorize that if the kid's mother wasn't named Tracy, they wouldn't have been so shocked. If my dad told that story, but called the stripper anything else other than my mom's real name, I would call bullshit immediately. Because of this, people think the mom's name is Tracy.

I apologize to anyone who is named Tracy, but I do not hope this is the case, because I am not really fond of that name.

Lastly, some other theories that I have read that I will at least partially address:
- Adoption Theory
- Not Ted's Kids Theory
- Everything isn't Real Theory
- Mother Is Dead Theory

Until the most recent episode, the adoption theory seemed somewhat possible, albeit unlikely. We learned in S7:E20 "Trilogy Time", that Ted has a baby girl that he has to watch for the night. Unless he is baby sitting for someone else's kid, which is highly unlikely, this shows that he does have a kid of his own. Also, the comment of "taking after his mother" would seem out of place unless her mother is Ted's wife. It's unlikely that anyone would make a comment about an adopted baby looking a lot like the mother that adopted her.

As far as the "Not Ted's Kids Theory", I guess we don't have much to disprove this. Sure, as I stated in the last paragraph, Ted does have a kid, but we can't link them to the kids that Future Ted is talking to. This could just be a story to someone else's kids. They do exclaim at one point "DAD!", though I don't remember the specific episode. This seems to say that this theory is false, but he could just be a "father figure" to them. As I will talk about while addressing the "Everything Isn't Real Theory", this just doesn't seem like it will happen.

"Everything Isn't Real Theory". This theory is that Ted talking to his kids about how he met their mother is all a lie. He has become so delusional and lonely that he is addressing the kids he never had. Sort of like in S7:E12 "Symphony of Illumination", Robin addresses her kids that do not exist.

Without having proof, since you can't really disprove an abstract notion like this, I can still claim with some certainty that this will not happen. This show isn't Lost, or some sci-fy/thriller movie, or any M. Night Shyamalan movie. This is a fairly straight forward Sitcom. Sitcoms almost never have an absurd twist like this. This theory, if true, would ruin the show for many people, and piss everyone off for waiting this long to hear it.

I know "Roseanne" had a bat shit crazy ending, but that is because the writers lost their minds. The show was dropping in ratings like crazy, so they started to pull out all the gimmicks to try and increase ratings. I sincerely doubt the writers and producers of HIMYM will do this.

"Mother Is Dead Theory". Same as the last paragraphs, though we can't prove anything, I seriously doubt the show will end like that. That is way too dark for a sitcom.

I doubt this will get many views, but if anyone reads this, and has any comments, thoughts, rebuttals that completely destroy this argument, I'd love to hear it.

Some youtube videos that go along with my theory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D-4bjMSZtQ&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNTJKzcrO2M


*Edit 05/22/12*

Huge spoiler here. In S7:23/24 "The Magicians Code parts 1 & 2", we get some huge information. They finally reveal who Barney gets married to. In part 2, Barney proposes to Quinn. At the end of part 2, it is revealed that Barney is getting married to Robin, through the flashback they show. They have several flashblacks to the wedding. I am rewatching every episode that features a flashback to try and get any additional info I can.

The first flashback is in S6:E1 "Big Days". This is the first time Future Ted says that he met his wife at a wedding. It is never stated in that episode who's wedding it is, but we do know he is the best man to. It is shown in S6:E24 "Challenge Accepted" that he the best man to Barney Stinson. By this episode, it still is never officially stated that he meets his wife at this wedding. Future Ted just says "at a wedding" and then it switches to the wedding. It is shown one last time in "The Magicians Code" where Barney's wife is Robin.

No time throughout the dialogue is it stated that he meets his wife at Barney's wedding. It is just inferred through the scene switching that it is. It is possible that it happens at a different wedding, possibly to increase the length of the show. Normally, my skeptical self would say that this is possible, but since Barney and Robin are marrying each other, I don't know of many weddings that he would go to after theirs. The only other weddings I could possibly think are options is Stella's wedding, or Victoria's wedding.

Stella is the woman that left Ted at the alter for her ex-husband. This infers that they got a divorce before Ted met her, so if they are in love again, they can get married again. Even though it is stated at Ted and Stella's wedding that "You never invite an ex to your wedding", things work out completely differently. Ted invited Robin and Tony to his wedding in S4:E5 "Shelter Island". Sure, things ended horribly in that episode, but Ted states that everything that happens to him turned him into the person he needed to be to meet his future wife, so one could construe that it was a good thing this happened. In gratitude, Stella could still invite Ted to her wedding.

One last possible reason that it could be her wedding, is that a lot of times, the opposite of what is stated or believed, happens, but then it is for the better/turns better. This wedding helped shape Ted to what he needed to be to meet his wife, Marshall and Lily's break up ultimately led to them getting married anyway, and in "The Magician's Code", there is going to be a good reason for Ted saying he doesn't want to steal a bride, then steal a bride anyway.

Or, somehow, using some of the previously stated reasons, Ted will go to Victoria's wedding, after their inevitable break up happens, and he will meet her there. Victoria and Ted will break up, her ex will take her back, and they will get married. He will go to the wedding, and meet his future wife.

Both of these, I still think are very unlikely, but still possible. Again, I put these theories out there as food for thought. More than likely, this wedding is the correct wedding.

What I now believe, and is very likely, is the Carly theory. Robin almost positively won't know Ted's future wife, so unless we meet someone else that might know the future wife, the only other potential is Ted's half sister Carly. I doubt the girl will be some random girl at the wedding, because there has to be some connection, unless she is just another "+1", which is unlikely. I doubt that anything seriously bad will happen at Barney and Robin's wedding.

The other theories are still possible, but with the recent developments, I believe the "Barney's Sister AKA Carly" theory is the most sound.

Edit: 3/6/13: Well, I was partially right in theory. It wasn't anyone that knew Robin or Barney that have already been introduced. It wasn't Carly though. They addressed that, Ted and Carly had their fling, and the episodes kept coming out.

Most people were shocked that HIMYM released such detailed information on how Ted meets his wife. In one of the newer episodes, Ted says that if it wasn't for him running into his lesbian ex, he would never have found the band to play at Robin and Barney's wedding, where he meets the bassist, and they fall in love.

This leaves many of us wondering how the rest of this season to play out. Will there be one more season like they say, will the season end with them finally meeting, or will it end with their wedding? Is there a whole story in how they finally talked to each other?

That is anyone's guess, but there isn't much to create theories on anymore, unless you want to make more tie ins. Maybe this girl is still the "perfect woman" from the dating service, or maybe she is the bump girl. But we know in good detail, how he is going to meet her, we just haven't seen it yet.

I wasn't the most correct, but I found it fun to think so much about it. I'll leave this post up just for the sake of reading it for fun. Maybe it will spark more discussion, give you a bit of insight on other aspects of the show, or just be a good read. I thank whoever reads this, because it makes me feel better about geeking out on something like this.

Get the first season of HIMYM here! HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER SEASON 1 BY HOW I MET YOUR MOTHE (DVD) [3 DISCS]

Famous Charles/Charlies Sporcle Quiz!

I totally forgot, but I got a Sporcle quiz published. Nothing fancy, but you guys should check it out!

http://www.sporcle.com/games/MrChinchilla/Charles

A Day In The Life of Gastly

(So this is something I wrote a while ago too, but I just liked it so much that I decided to repost it here. No changes were necessary)

*Charmander and Squirtle are talking*
Charmander: Char, char charmander!
Squirtle: Squirtel Squirtle!
C: Charmander charmander, char char!
S:Squirtel?
C: Char char char, Charmander charmander charmander, Char Charmander charmander char! char char charmander char char char! Charmander charmander char char char, charmander chaaaarr! char charmander charmander char! Char char char charmander!
S: Squirt, le, Squirtle squirtle!
*Gastly floats on in*
Gastly: GASTLY!
C: char char charmander char?!
G:GASTLYYY!
S: Squrit, Squirtle squritle squirtle!
G: GHAASSTLYYYY!
C: Char char char char, charmander charmander char char charmander char char!
G:... *sticks tounge out*
C:Charrrrrrrr! Charmander charmander!
S: Squirtle squirtle!
G: GASTLY!!!!!!!!
C: char charmander, char char char chamander char char charmander char char char char.
S: Squirtle squirtle. Squirtle squirt EL!
*Charmander and Squirtle leave*
G: *sighs* gastly....

So for those not fluent in pokemon, I'll translate the conversation. It roughly translates into this.

*Charmander and Squirtle are talking*
Charmander: Yo, Squirtlle whats up?
Squirtle: Oh hey, nothing much.
C: So I just beat some pidgeys ass!
S: Really?
C: Yeah, it was getting all up in my grill, so I was like EMBER BITCH, but it flew out of the way and used gust! I was like bitch no my fire gonna go out! So it decided to come and finish me, but I was like BITCH GOTCHA! Tailed whipped that motha fucka and finished it off with another ember! i whooped it's ass!
S: hoLY shit! You showed it who's boss!
*Gastly floats on in*
Gastly: GASTLY!
C: Wait, what the fuck?!
G:GASTLYYY!
S: Where did you come from Gastly!
G: GHAASSTLYYYY!
C: We have been through this before, stop saying your name over and over again! It's fucking annoying!
G:... *sticks tounge out*
C: Aww man, why youd go and do that?!
S: Aww, that's nastay!
G: GASTLY!!!!!!!!
C: Man, come on squirtle, lets hit it before Gastly tries to talk to us some more.
S: Man, I couldn't agree more. Let's split!
*Charmander and Squirtle leave*
G: *sighs* gastly....

The Horrible Implications of the Tron Universe

Okay, so this isn't a short story, but this is the first thing I have written in a while. It was an idea that came to my head one night while pondering the universe.

So, to give a little background, just in case you don't know anything about the movie Tron (or Tron Legacy).

Tron is a fantasy/sci-fi Disney movie (though it isn't like many other Disney movies), where a programmer gets digitized into the electronic world, where he finds out that what can be presumed as the internet is an actual world, where every program is a "person" per say. This society is in a weird dictatorship format, where the leader makes some programs fight in in a series of games where they fight each other in a "to the death" format, where death is called "Derezz"

So, in this universe, every program is a person. But it isn't like they are some old video game character, where they only say one or two lines and have no personality. They think, feel, and do for themselves. Most programs have a fear of being derezzed, like a lot of humans are afraid of death. They also have very philosophical talks about the "users", which is if they believe the users exist. In their universe, the users are the humans that create the programs, but to the programs, they are their Gods. They debate if they even exist, and give their reasons of belief or non belief. So they are rational, sentient beings.

This is about all the background you need for this.

Okay, so assuming we are in the canon of this movie series, and that the world that is mentioned in the Tron series is in fact the internet, which is what the movies made me believe, then we are ready to move forward. I do have reasonable suspicion that this world is indeed the internet, because if you break it down, it makes sense. When you code a program, it becomes a program. This program becomes part of the Tron world. This coding has to be stored somewhere. So this coding can be transfered from wherever it is at, to a flash drive. Would it cease being a livable program? I hardly can believe it to be. So thus, this world is more then likely the internet.

So, the internet is this complex society, with programs (people) living their lives. We don't know too much about how the infrastructure of this society works, but we get some ideas in Tron: Legacy, since they end up going to a bar/dance/night club in the movie, so we can assume a few things from this; there is organizations set up, more then likely there is a lot more then just bars. Programs also like to have fun, which gives them more depth as people. They can discuss the metaphysical, fear the unknown, and want to have a good time. We don't know how this World is formed, but the internet somehow does it.

This begs the question; what about non-internet capable devices? What happens to the programs in them?

For this idea, I am going to use the example of a remote. A simple remote that controls the channels for a TV. Now, there probably is remotes out there that connect to the internet for God knows why. Technology is really unnecessary sometimes, so lets exclude those from this example.

A TV remote. Push a button, and it makes a change on your television. This device is a very simple one (in comparison to other electronics) and though it is useful, it has a very limited range of abilities. Though, we all can clearly agree that it requires electronic parts, which involves some kind of computer or computer like technology. That in combination with the TV, there has to be at least one program in either or, if my understanding of electronics is even somewhat sound. Even if my views of remotes are totally skewed and preposterous to someone knowledgeable on this topic, and all of it is accomplished through use of electrical currents or whatever other plausible means, please just go with me on this one. I do not have the apropos knowledge to make a better comparison, but for the sake of the whole thing, the remote works pretty well. Even if it is wrong, and uses no programs, all of you should still understand the idea. A remote has to at least use one program, if not a few different ones.

Another thing I must define. A program is coding that is made to have a specfic purpose. If I coded in any computer language something that says hi when I hit enter, that is still a program. It is basically coding that has an output of some sort, or some sort of active purpose other then things like basic HTML.

So, this remote does basic functions, and has no connection to the internet whatsoever. In the Tron universe, this remote is still a standalone society, world, or even universe. It has anywhere from a single solitary program, to maybe a dozen. I'll be generous and say around that much. They are stuck in what I can imagine being a very small space. If the internet is the world, how small would the area of a remote world be? A city? A building? A bedroom? Any of those is still crazy without many people. A dozen people in a city? A single, solitary person in a lone bedroom?  Whatever the scenario, it seems absolutely awful. It is like in the old cartoons, where you see a guy stranded on a little Island with a single coconut tree, and nothing around but water. Lets just continue with that idea. One program in a confined area.

Without a connection to the internet, we have a confined space. This single program, is in a confined space, with almost nothing to do.

To bring in more necessary  background, programs do not seem to age as well. In Tron: Legacy, Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges character) creates a program named C.L.U. CLU is in his likeness during the beginning of the movie (the past), and looks exactly like his young self when he creates him. When the present time of the movie kicks in, Kevin is much older, but when he meets CLU, he hasn't aged at all. With this knowledge, we can assume that programs do not age. It is possible that programs are immortal unless they get derezzed, or deleted by their creator.

Back to this lone program. This program is stuck in a very small space, for nearly an eternity. And this space isn't like Chuck E Cheese. I doubt the electronics in a remote are made in a way to give a great structure like the internet does a world in Tron. This whole scenario is comparable to the punishment of solitary confinement in prisons and other establishments. You are stuck in a room, by yourself, without any other human contact for an extended period of time. Just look into the topic; it is highly controversial. People go literally insane from being place in solitary confinement for too long. And by too long, I mean as little as a week or two, to possibly a month. It has horrible psychological ramifications on the person unlucky to be placed in such a situation.

This program, this human, is put into an extremely similar environment,  but instead, it is for an eternity. The implications of this are horrifying. I need not even go on to what this means for the psyche of the program. If there is any kind of progression, or change with programs, like how humans change, evolve, learn, etc etc, then this program is going to degrade into the most psychologically scarred thing in existence.

It gets worse from here. This whole scenario is just the case for one single remote. What about all the other hundreds of thousands, possibly millions of remotes elsewhere? That is millions of programs going through life long torture, and that is just one specific electronic. Every item that has rudimentary electronics and a small purpose get similar treatment. There are literally millions more of different types of electronics, with millions more of each specific one. Sure, each electronic device doesn't have to have such a severe case as solitary confinement, but even if it gets the best out of it all, there is still a very small group of programs in a small and limited space; for eternity.

These, are the horrible implications of the Tron universe.

Edit: So I showed this to a friend, and just to try and point out a possible counter-argument. He brought up that this solitary confinement area doesn't have to be bad. If they were a single program born into this kind of existence, they never would have any social interaction so they wouldn't know what they were missing.

I agree this is an interesting counter-idea, but I still think my idea doesn't get messed up by this. When a program is... well, programmed, into existence, it isn't just a social retard program with absolute no knowledge or skills. They come into existence as a fully-functional adult (so to speak). If each millions of programs came into existence with no social knowledge, society wouldn't be able to function. Each program wouldn't not be able to keep teaching all the new ones how to function. On a more technical standpoint, when you enter in coding, it isn't like all the other coding needs to adapt and better the coding to function. Assuming the coding got put in right, all the other coding will be fine. And why stop at social skills? If it doesn't have those when coming into existence, what's stopping anyone from saying they don't have the skills to walk, or sit, or grab, or anything of that nature? It doesn't seem likely that a program could be born and have all these normal skills that a fully functioning member of society would have except how to talk to other people.

With that in mind, these programs most likely come into existence as a full being. It is as if everything I was didn't exist (I never existed), but then I just came to be. I am who I am, which includes this social knowledge. I may not have had specific experience, but I still know enough of the concept, which knowing in concept is all it takes. To back that example of, I never have fallen in love, but I know enough about the concept to surely say that if I never fall in love, I am going to go crazy.

So, I still stand by that these programs will go crazy from the lack of social interaction from the massive amount of time they will spend alone.

Halloween Tron Legacy Deluxe Adult Men's Costume

Like A Fantasy Story

(This is probably my favorite story I have written up until this point in my life. There are a few changes I want to make to it, but this is the original version, unedited/proofread =D)




      24 hours ago, I was a normal person, or at least as normal with someone like my life could be. Drunks for parents, rags for clothes, and anything that happened to me was either bad or just plain weird. Hell my parents named me Yellow. YELLOW! Who the fuck names their kid a color, especially yellow?
      Now, I have no idea where the fuck I am. It's cold, I'm pretty beaten up, and it has been a few days since I have eaten.
     Well I can't say a few days since the days here seem to last longer then 24 hours, or whatever the hell they use to measure time in this fucking place.
     24 hours ago, I had the same problems as everyone else, or at least as similar as problems I could have with someone like my life. Really don't have many friends. The ones that I do have are scummy. They'd ditch me for a bag of Doritos. I really have only one close friend, Jonas. At least his parents gave him a kind of normal name. Not fucking Yellow like my parents. What the hell were they on when they had me?
Being Yellow is the least of my problems. Now, my name could be Jehosifats McDouchenstein, it really doesn't matter. Now my life couldn't be stranger.
     24 hours ago, I was bored, and this time it was like a normal person. Jonas and I were walking through some forest that we never have been through. It was something to do. During the whole walk, we would make up tales of grandeur and epic heroism, involving us of course. Man how we wish our lives could be like that. Live a life like in a fantasy story. End up in some strange world, turns out your the chosen one and you have to save the world from some peril. You get stronger all the way, you overcome all your barriers from before and hell, you meet a princess or some shit like that and you both fall madly in love and have lots of wild, hot, passionate sex. You wish your life could be like that. Not this boring, uneventful life that you live now.
      Now I wish things would just return to normal... or as normal a life could be where you got pulled into a magical box and ended up in some strange ass world.
      I like to imagine Jonas freaked the fuck up. It gives me some solace, in a comedic yet sadistic way. Him just standing there, not believing what his eyes just witnessed, or not wanting to believe. Then all of a sudden, you here him say the one line "What the fuck!" Then afterwords for the next 10 minutes or so, he incoherently screams, now in a state of complete and utter panic. I also like to imagine how he would explain it to his parents. He tries to explain, pulls the trust card, and they just think that he is too big of a drugie, and send him to psychiatric therapy and rehab for the drugs. No one will believe him; no one will believe that his friend Yellow, a kid that no one really cares about in the first place, just opened up a strange box they found in the woods and got sucked into it. I wouldn't believe it under any other circumstances.
Still though, it's one of the few things I can think about and get a chuckle or two out of in this horrid place. I actually think it is snowing now, but hell, I have no idea, because the snow is purple. Kind of weird actually. A bit of yellow in a sea of purple.
I really don't wish anything bad onto Jonas. I hope what I think about in my head won't or hasn't really happen. Time is another thing I can't get in this place, especially in comparison to another world, or universe or fuckiverse. I just don't know. He was a great friend, one of the few I actually had. Though I am not sure I would go as far as saying I would wish this whole fate that I am in onto myself before I let it get to anyone else. This place fucking sucks.
     So, back to the story. 24 hours ago, we were walking through the woods, wishing our lives could be like a fantasy story, and all of sudden, I trip. Jonas laughs, and I laugh a little at myself. I get myself up and brush myself off and I look at what I tripped on, and there the fucking box was. Well it's not even really a box. A jewelry box at most, but it was fancy as all hell. It's like a chest you would find in a rich person's house in the 1800'ds that contained all the misses gold shit. My friend and I both think the same thing, "AWESOME!" We figure something awesome or valuable could be in it. Maybe we could get the fantasy life we so desire, or maybe just a little more cash. The thing is though, he couldn't open it. There was no key or anything, just a little button that opened up a latch. The button wouldn't budge.
     Of course he is discouraged, but I wasn't going to pass up a try. The second I push the button the latch opens. I laugh at him and mock his manliness for a second, then jokingly he said "Hey, maybe you were destined to open that box. Maybe you are the chosen one." "Yeah I wish" was my ignorant reply. Fuck, if I only knew what the hell was about to happen, my words probably would have been somewhere around "FUCK THE CHOSEN ONE, I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ALL THAT SHIT!"
     I open the box, and in there was this beautiful necklace. It was a golden chain, and the center piece was a shiny, golden amulet thingy. This thing, if it had monetary value in our world, had to be worth at least a few grand, if not a lot more. I stare deeply in to the amulet, mesmerized. I see my reflection, and I get lost into space (no pun intended) All my friend could say is "You lucky bastard." Yeah, lucky alright. He didn't get mugged and get his clothes taken by bandits in the middle of a fucking purple storm.
All of a sudden, I start to shake, or everything else started to shake, it was really all a blur. When your molecular structure starts to morph and your body starts defying all the known laws of physics and nature, you tend not to know what the hell is going on. I get sucked into the box with the amulet, and I went to flying through space.
         Oh, by flying through space, I mean flying through a region that looked like a rainbow threw up everywhere. I swear, it was the most colorful thing in existence. It seems like a hippies dream, or nightmare, I am not quite sure.
I end up in some village. I am just going to sum it up, because it really isn't worth explaining. The elders think I am some kind of oracle (notice how I said think. For all they or I know, I just got fucked over and I am just Yellow, a nobody.) and I need to deliver the amulet I had to this temple in a mountain that is protected by a dragon. At first I am excited. I am shitting my pants with joy. Finally some action. I get to be a hero.
Well it seems that all the fantasy stories you read and watch in movies are the best of worlds. I got the ghettos of fantasy worlds. They don't give me a weapon, or a vehicle or even a horse. I get some clothes to keep me warm (hah), a bag to carry enough food, and a map. Too bad that all got stolen.
    First off, you think you wouldn't mind all the walking you have to do, but oh god no. It took forever. Like 5 days, or hell, quests. I think I have the right to define the things in this world to my will since I have no idea what anything is. They never even told me the name of anything. I am sincerely clueless.
     It wasn't snowing purple in the beginning. It was cold, but bearable. Then after halfway, the purple snow just came down. I think it is actually colder then normal snow, but I keep telling myself that this will get better, and I trudge on. Well I get near the place, and some fucking bandits come out of nowhere. I panic and fall to the ground (which I drop my amulet in the snow, so they never end up stealing it) and they don't even ask me what I have or anything. They just hold me down, take everything, kick the shit out of me, then leave me to freeze in the snow. HOW IS THIS MAKING ME STRONGER?! I have not learned how to fight, or anything. This fucking blows.
     I get to the mountain where the temple is, or at least I think it is the mountain. They stole my map. Well anyway, the mountain is so steep, there is no way to climb it. I have no rope, there is no back way, no flying carpets or teleporters. Nothing. I am truly fucked. So I found some little crevice where there was little snow, and I am currently trying to conserve as much heat as I can while I think of what in the world I have to go next.
     24 hours ago, I had a boring life. Now I wish I still had that boring life.
     Let me tell you, whenever you think life is boring and you wish it would be more adventurous, just slap yourself in the face and move on, because odds are your life is better then mine now. Your boring life is the fantasy story that I wish I could have now, because you're not freezing your balls off in snow. Your Yellow balls in purple snow.